crazy situation needs a womens perpective

[helgaleena]

So, you are now 'the other guy'. When she wants to give her current guy a target for his anger at her, she can deflect it to you and you are going to get the shit. Also you have absolutely no guarantee that she likes you any better than him.

Whatever you do, be ready to run for it, whether she follows you or not.

 

[molotovmuffin]

Ok.... Here is the update.... Thinks were at a stalemate for a while... we chatted and flirted on text, but when we hung out it was very pg, until last Friday... She was looking at me differently and we made out by her car and things went further..... I guess I am the other guy now.... I would feel guilty, but she obviously wanted it to happen, and she is not married to the guy and they have no kids.....

Guess my issues are.... I have never went from being friends with a girl to fucking her... How will it change our friendship, what are the limits? Plus, how do I handle being the other guy.... Know just so everyone knows I don't want to be the other guy forever, sooner or later she is going have to make a choice, but for now I am just trying to go with the flow

She is never going to leave him for you...so get used to it. IF she does leave him it will be for someone else. Enjoy.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Ok.... Here is the update.... Thinks were at a stalemate for a while... we chatted and flirted on text, but when we hung out it was very pg, until last Friday... She was looking at me differently and we made out by her car and things went further..... I guess I am the other guy now.... I would feel guilty, but she obviously wanted it to happen, and she is not married to the guy and they have no kids.....

Guess my issues are.... I have never went from being friends with a girl to fucking her... How will it change our friendship, what are the limits? Plus, how do I handle being the other guy.... Know just so everyone knows I don't want to be the other guy forever, sooner or later she is going have to make a choice, but for now I am just trying to go with the flow

What the fuck are you asking us for? You didn't listen to a damn thing anyone here said at any previous point in this thread.

So she eventually fucked you. Big deal. She probably just got paranoid that you were losing interest.

Ask her to make that choice. Go on, I double dare you. If you do have the balls to ask her, which I strongly doubt, she will give you all sorts of reasons why she just can't choose now. She wants you but she can't leave him, she's torn, she needs you to understand and be her friend, yada, yada, yada... or she'll just dump you. If she wanted you and just you she would have left him months ago.

She is never going to leave him for you...so get used to it. IF she does leave him it will be for someone else. Enjoy.

This is probably true. She's using the pair of you til someone better comes along.

I've been her and, more pertinently, I've been you - I know whereof I speak.

 

[helgaleena]

I'm afraid Manly B is right. She's not very likely to follow. But you should still get ready to run.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Best case scenario, you ask her to choose because you decide you do have cajones, and you are a man, not a dirty little secret. She chooses you, and after two years, when you are boring (maybe sooner) she plays this game with the next frustrated chump.

Worst case scenario, her dude finds out and murders you both.

What are you thinking?

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Guess my issues are.... I have never went from being friends with a girl to fucking her... How will it change our friendship, what are the limits? Plus, how do I handle being the other guy.... Know just so everyone knows I don't want to be the other guy forever, sooner or later she is going have to make a choice, but for now I am just trying to go with the flow

friendship = ruined, but who cares, you've been trying to get in her pants since the reagan administration and she has a boyfriend, what do you expect?

you handle being the other guy by shutting the hell up, no seriously, when a criminal does a crime, how do they get caught when they first get away? they will literally snitch on themselves .. with that being said, don't go around telling everyone that your banging "that dude's" girlfriend, don't write all over her facebook, and only hang out with her in places where people can't see you.. act like you been there before or else it will blow your cover

and you may want a relationship, but i doubt that will happen (i also doubted she would give you anything other than blue balls but i guess i was wrong about that)

even if she did want a relationship, why would you ever want to be in one with a girl like her? lets say she dumps the BF for you, she will get bored with you, and find another other man .. you're sharing her now, expect to share her for as long as you know her .. honestly the main (if not only) reason she has you on the side is for attention and now that you said all the right things to get in bed with her, she will only be with you as long as she is with her BF because the biggest appeal about you right now is that you are bad, forbidden, naughty .. she gets the same rush every time she hooks up with you as you did when you snuck out of your parents house late at night as a kid and didn't get caught .. this will probably not last long unless you pull some cliche, romantic comedy stunt

good luck

 

[B_Bjen2848]

Best case scenario, you ask her to choose because you decide you do have cajones, and you are a man, not a dirty little secret. She chooses you, and after two years, when you are boring (maybe sooner) she plays this game with the next frustrated chump.

Worst case scenario, her dude finds out and murders you both.

What are you thinking?

he was thinking with his penis, like most men

 

[Elngyn]

It's verry hard when you are friends and you fall in love with someone,sometimes you wish it never happened I know I fell head over heals hopelessly in love with a friend whom I still love to this day and even dreamed of one day being able to marry him and start a family but he does,nt feel that way tword me and instead is still looking for someone else People don't treat him like he should be treated and it kills me every time he is sad I just want to hugg and cuddle him and let him know it's ok and he is loved & wanted ( this is someone I would literally give my life for),in a situation like that the best you can hope for is to still be friendly with the person

 

[Elngyn]

Maby your situation isn't the same but the emotions I'm sure are,I hope anything I said helps,it sucks to not be able to be with the one person you love most in the world,but unfortunately it happens every day all you can hope is that the one you love is well and happy,and pray they are loved like they should be as well,and as sincerely.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

he was thinking with his penis, like most men

I have no problem with him banging the woman - people have to make their own choices about what is OK and not OK as regards fucking around with involved people. And getting one's end away (especially when it is 'naughty' or 'forbidden' as you said) is a big part of that for both men and women who are the third point on the triangle (as well as for the person cheating).

Like I said, I've been him - been the third wheel - twice. The first time I was very young and thought that he would eventually discover that the reason he couldn't stop fucking me was because he really loved me not her - of course the real reason was because he was a guy in his late teens into early 20's and I kept staying over at his house and climbing into bed with him. Even way back then I was a good fuck and he was only human, poor lamb :tongue:

The second time I was totally aware that the guy wasn't in love with either of us - she was the kind of girlfriend he wanted to be seen with and I was an excellent sex partner. I still haven't quite worked out why I stuck with that situation for a year - but at least I knew he and I were never going to walk off into the sunset. That made the end a lot less painful.

I just want yman to know that he and this woman are really unlikely to be walking off into the sunset anytime soon, or ever.

 

[Elngyn]

Ya go with AE and above guy totally read your situation wrong,situation totally different from yours Lol

 

[D_Ray_Jing_Hardon]

Would seem his guy is so 'poes verskrik' that he is ignoring all advice but it does make for great car crash TV opcorn:

 

[B_subgirrl]

Guess my issues are.... I have never went from being friends with a girl to fucking her... How will it change our friendship, what are the limits?

Based on having had a number of FBs . . .

Ideally, it shouldn't change at all, except that you now fuck on a regular basis (at least, that would be my ideal). In reality, who knows? It depends on how you each respond to the situation.

Plus, how do I handle being the other guy....

From my experience of having been the other woman . . .

As Bjen said, you keep quiet and don't go telling everyone about it.

You respect her current relationship and don't interfere with it.

You be realistic about things - is she REALLY ever going to leave him for you? Doubtful.

You realise that by screwing her while she was with someone else, you essentially accepted that situation. Don't expect her to change things for you now.

Know just so everyone knows I don't want to be the other guy forever, sooner or later she is going have to make a choice, but for now I am just trying to go with the flow

Why start something you don't intend to continue?

 

[yman74]

ok, a few things need explaining.... First I didn't wear her down... she came on to me the other night... Second, it was kind of weird at first, but we are still being friends and flirting with each other, just the flirting is more explicit now.

Most girls think of me as this nice sweet guy and most people who she works with think of her a kind of goody--too---shoes.... She is a very sweet girl in many ways.... I just think she is in an unhappy relationship that she will have to leave someday no matter what.... Still not sure where this leaves me, but I think I need to see this out.... guess you people will just have to have faith that she is worth it

 

[Intrigue]

Best case scenario, you ask her to choose because you decide you do have cajones, and you are a man, not a dirty little secret. She chooses you, and after two years, when you are boring (maybe sooner) she plays this game with the next frustrated chump.

Worst case scenario, her dude finds out and murders you both.

What are you thinking?

my thoughts exactly. why in the world would one choose to be the secret? especially when you risk the action of the by then rage adled bf. :frown1:

*Lord knows I would be HUGELY pissed at that certain situation. *

 

[B_curiousme01]

Most likely one of the best replies on this site ever. AE is spot on.

Even if you and she get together, she will always have her "wild side" because she didn't get a chance to explore. On the other hand, if you were open to her sexual desires and would be strong enough to help her induldge them safely with you there, why then that could be a love match to last until the end of time.

It's all true. She does like you, and feels an attraction to you that is more than purely platonic. However, she isn't ready to give up on her relationship, and when she is ready, she wants to be single for a while, despite seeing value in you as a potential partner. Honestly, you'd be crazy to entertain a relationship with a 26 year-old who has never gotten to enjoy being single. You already know that, and you already know this isn't going to end with her as your girlfriend. Move on.

 

[yman74]

Most likely one of the best replies on this site ever. AE is spot on.

Even if you and she get together, she will always have her "wild side" because she didn't get a chance to explore. On the other hand, if you were open to her sexual desires and would be strong enough to help her induldge them safely with you there, why then that could be a love match to last until the end of time.

Think both of you have given me the best advice of anyone.... She does have a wild side and she does want to explore it, and she has a boyfriend who stifles her and she told me she stays in it for the security... its a touch balance. I want to be what she needs me to be.... A sounding board, a buddy, and someone to get wild with..

But I have needs too... I need a girl who is there for me too, and someone who is available to me more than once every few weeks.... This would be so much easier if I didn't like her so damm much... I think there are only 2 girls in my whole life I have felt this way for.... sigh

 

[AlteredEgo]

ok, a few things need explaining.... First I didn't wear her down... she came on to me the other night... Second, it was kind of weird at first, but we are still being friends and flirting with each other, just the flirting is more explicit now.

Most girls think of me as this nice sweet guy and most people who she works with think of her a kind of goody--too---shoes.... She is a very sweet girl in many ways.... I just think she is in an unhappy relationship that she will have to leave someday no matter what.... Still not sure where this leaves me, but I think I need to see this out.... guess you people will just have to have faith that she is worth it

Worth what, exactly? Inevitable heartache? If you just wanted to fuck her, I wouldn't have responded to this thread at all. You really care for this girl, want her to be with you, and that is just not going to happen, not the way you want it to. What is it you are afraid of that you want to invest so much in an unavailable woman rather than someone who wants to build and grow with you?

Also, your problem is that you have never been friends with a woman before bedding her. What? Really? And then you're surprised you can't find a woman who has all the attributes for which you are looking? If you don't bother getting to know women, of course it will be difficult to find what you want.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Worth what, exactly? Inevitable heartache? If you just wanted to fuck her, I wouldn't have responded to this thread at all. You really care for this girl, want her to be with you, and that is just not going to happen, not the way you want it to. What is it you are afraid of that you want to invest so much in an unavailable woman rather than someone who wants to build and grow with you?

And there is the million dollar question. One I never managed to answer about the 3 unavailable men I was serially 'in love' with between the ages of 16 and 23, and indeed I still don't know what what my problem was. Possibly a fear of commitment combined with some kind of desired ego boost of attaining the unattainable.

Also, while I was 'in love', I was at liberty to run around with whomever I wanted and not have to worry about falling for anyone because I was already 'in love'. Of course I probably sabotaged right out of the gate what might have been a few decent relationships because I had my blinkers on pursuing the uncatchable. That's my theory about myself - but I'm not sure it even fully fits the me back then, never mind anyone else.

yman - we can't talk you out of loving this person. I just want to try to inject some realism into your attitude to her. You're already beyond saving from a broken heart - please just try to be aware that, while you can enjoy the ride for what it is, the end of the line will come. This isn't a happily ever after situation.

 

[JPoster]

I want to be what she needs me to be.... A sounding board, a buddy, and someone to get wild with..

But I have needs too... I need a girl who is there for me too, and someone who is available to me more than once every few weeks.... This would be so much easier if I didn't like her so damm much... I think there are only 2 girls in my whole life I have felt this way for.... sigh

As I alluded to in my post months ago you and she want different things.

You can't have it both ways.

The question is whether magical thinking will continue to rule your decisions or whether you will deal with reality. Here's a suggestion to maybe give yourself a wake-up call.

Re-read your posts, pretending they were written by a friend who was asking you how they should handle their situation. What would you tell them? Why wouldn't the same advice apply to you?