Criteria, Preferences & Limits

[D_Barbi_Dahl]

Criteria:
Over 21
Must have physical & emotional connection/chemistry
Like them as a person
Must be 100% STD Free


Preferences:
Male (Although I've been with 4 females in a 3-way situation...and would again. Some of the same preferences would apply to females.)
Lately, I prefer younger guys as they are more likely to keep up with me in bed. However, 23-45 is up for consideration.
I'm 5'8" so taller the better. 6ft or above is ideal.
Tall, dark, hot, handsome& hung is my type.
I love guys with good hair, nice smile and pretty eyes.
Reasonably fit and energetic
Medium-high sex drive
Smart, witty, funny & fun
Interested in trying different things
Can carry on an intelligent conversation...
A man of action, not all talk.
Someone who takes charge sometimes and then lets me sometimes. I like balance.
A gooooood kisser.
Zero to little down time.
7" or more
Someone who makes me smile, laugh and horny

Limits:
No scat/golden showers
no extreme pain, not a fan of s&m
no animals
no dead people
no underage

 

[Bbucko]

I'm young, so it will be interesting to see how this changes throughout my life.

Criteria:
Must be consensual.
Must be female.
Must be someone I find attractive.
Must use condoms and birth control.
Must not be under the influence of anything (I'm sure most of you agree and just didn't put it)

Preferences:
Is someone I really get a long with.
Is an Alt (not emo), Nerdy, or Sporty kind of girl.
Is intelligent.
Loves giving blowjobs, and likes to swallow.
Is somewhat submissive.
Has around C or D cup breasts.
Is fit.
Doesn't do drugs or abuse alcohol.

I either never knew or else forgot that you were a virgin, Pendy. As such, this makes your post very interesting, actually: more based on ideals than experience. There's no negative judgment implied here, just, as you say yourself, what you might respond in time (given a similar discussion) will be revised, and the differences will undoubtedly be fascinating.

I've had serious discussions in other places about the role alcohol and illicit drugs plays in sex, and my opinions have evolved significantly in the past four years.

First off: I don't ever play unless I'm sober (except for a beer or two): I do, whoever consume as much as two gallons of tepid black tea during an extended session. This keeps me alert, focused and facilitates WS with are such the rage here in FtL at this moment.

I do not play with anyone who is inebriated: they are not really consensual, are lazy fucks and seem never to have prepared properly for anal sex (yuck). However, there are a variety of substances and stimulants that bring others to a place I am already at being sober, and have learned over the last few years that I needn't condone what they do, nor do it myself, to accept the fact that they are, absolutely under such effects.

What I'd accept from a random playmate/hook-up/fuckbud, however, would not be acceptable behavior for a life partner.

Limits:
No scat
No 'watersports'.
No hitting (like slapping across the face, spanking is still in :wink.
No extereme pain or bloodplay.
No what subgirrl calls the usual. :tongue:
No anal play on me.
I'll never be a cuckold, and I have a strong aversion to being a 'bull'.
No rape fantasy.
No little people.

I'm sure I left things out, what can you do.

Little people is an interesting limit. As I am quite short and prefer being the bigger one, many of my sex partners have been between 5' and 5'4. And although I'd never actually fucked an honest-to-gawd little person, if s/he were capable of consent and otherwise matched the criteria and prefs, I might give it a roll. Never say never.

 

[Bbucko]

I think that is one perception of BDSM that many people have that is not necessarily true. Sure, there are plenty of people who are into BDSM that also play ego games and are in it for the power trip. But as Bbucko and I were discussing earlier, in a respectful relationship this is not a problem, just like in a respectful vanilla relationship.

I think it's a shame that you've had such a hard time finding people to play with who will be respectful of your relationship. For me, one of the cornerstones of playing with people who have partners is respecting their existing relationship.

I also think it's fantastic that you and your partner can have a relationship where you play with others. I've always loved the idea, and while I'm comfortable with it in theory, I think in practice I would be too jealous to cope with it.

People's boundaries of acceptable, permissible and/or intriguing are usually much more fluid that most will admit to. Much of what I'd label "extreme sex" I found deeply repellent in my 20s. Though I was taught the art of fisting ass by something of a Zen Master of the craft at the age of 22, it was only something shared between us two. It took another ten+ years before I integrated it into my sexual vocabulary.

Other relatively recent items on my menu include medium- to heavy-medium choking and WS. These experiences came at the request of certain individuals who trusted me to carry them out properly but sanely and responsibly. Electro-Stim is one the menu but in reality interests me very little: sounding even less so, gobbing less than that. But I know what they are and have experience in providing them to guys who request such things, much more for their pleasure than my own.

 

[Bbucko]

This is going to be make come off so badly but here's mine:::

Criteria
- HIV -
- at first they must be vers then later on that may change to top/vers or btm/vers
- Honest and upfront but has the ability to take others feelings into consideration.
- my usuals(caring, sweet, unselfish, considerate, thoughtful etc....)
- great communicator someone who doesn't shut down when things don't go there way.
- condom use at all times
- someone who is not stuck in there ways and is unwilling to change
- male only- strictly male no trans.
- 21 and up

First off, there's nothing inherently controversial in anything you've written.

I will warn you that HIV- guys cannot serosort outside of an extremely tight and controlled circle of friends. I have heard that such circles exist, but I also know that people lie all the time, most especially as regards their HIV status. The only way to be certain of your status is to be tested 13 weeks prior to any unprotected encounter, and you can never be certain of the status of anyone else. That is simply a fact. Your best protection, barring nothing but mutual JO and/or abstinence, is in a long-term partnership based on truth and complete trust. I know that such relationships exist, I've just never experienced one personally (nor am I sure I've ever actually met one).

Preferences:
- dark hair preferably black
- light colored eyes(green,hazel,blue)
- facial hair - not a lot but a goatee or something along those lines
- body hair (not a full bear but preferably an otter or a little hairier)
- 21-35
- open to new experiences
- preferably white only(for now)
- open to exercise or already involved in it
- nice smile
- toned body not a gym whore body
- adventurist side(someone who likes to sky dive, bungee jump)
- someone who likes to travel
- someone who is not just about having sex but someone who's into making that connection
- vers more so btm/vers at first until I'm ready and then btm/top / vers
** more to come I suspect **

I break with the general consensus here at LPSG in saying that a preference for a single race, while rather limiting, is not inherently wrong nor is it necessarily racist. Time and experience may or may not broaden your outlook, but I'm all for staying within one's own comfort range.

By default, I semi-exclusively "date" Latinos, because they are most likely to conform to all my criteria and prefs. One of my best friends (ever) only dated black men in their 20s (he's in his late 30s and is Italian-American). I know for a fact that there wasn't a racist bone in his body. He, much like me, simply can't "fake it", noe should we bother trying. And for the record, we are each non-versatile tops.

Limits:
- no scat
- no blood
- no fisting
- no extreme bdsm( some is okay; as they say a little dab will do ya)
- no watersports(I really should list this here because I'm sort of getting into it but I wouldn't want to come across someone who's hardcore into and will scare me from it...so)
- no cheaters
- no liars
- no smokers
- no relatively overweight people(as stated before I'm not talking about the guys who could if they choose too work out for a month or two and would look good I'm talking about the guys who are suppose to weight 180 and weight 350/400.)

When I first met my most recent ex, he was a robust and very healthy 200 lbs; by the time we broke up, he'd admit to weighing 350, which I believe put him in the "400 Club". All interest in sex ceased somewhere between 250 and 275, though the relationship endured for five additional years.

 

[thetramp]

Wow...replace Male with Female and we're in agreement. I particularly enjoyed reading your Preference #3. It made me smile. How sweet.

What a big difference those two letters make, by taking them away you take away all persons i would be interested in, and yet the list would look so similar.

 

[Bbucko]

my criteria:
1)must be female
2)must be of legal age
3)must be a person i enjoy spending time with, not only in bed.
4)must be a person i find very attractive, i need both physical and mental connection.

my preferences:
1) She should be athletic
2) I'd like her to be tall
3) Have something very special, whether it is a look in her eyes, a beautiful smile or a certain voice something i can look at and forget the world around me.
4) she should be possessed of a clear and curious mind: I do not find "cute but dumb" attractive (sorry bbucko for stealing)
5) she should not be twice as old as i am

my limits

1)no scat
2)nothing that was not agreed on
3)no dead people no animals

Steal away, baby: just always attribute. That's all I ask.

Thanks for the reply, and your good attempt at describing that chemistry that happens between people, which I completely neglected in the OP but which is essential for any encounter or any form of sexual relationship of any kind.

 

[Bbucko]

Criteria:
Over 21
Must have physical & emotional connection/chemistry
Like them as a person
Must be 100% STD Free


Preferences:
Male (Although I've been with 4 females in a 3-way situation...and would again. Some of the same preferences would apply to females.)
Lately, I prefer younger guys as they are more likely to keep up with me in bed. However, 23-45 is up for consideration.
I'm 5'8" so taller the better. 6ft or above is ideal.
Tall, dark, hot, handsome& hung is my type.
I love guys with good hair, nice smile and pretty eyes.
Reasonably fit and energetic
Medium-high sex drive
Smart, witty, funny & fun
Interested in trying different things
Can carry on an intelligent conversation...
A man of action, not all talk.
Someone who takes charge sometimes and then lets me sometimes. I like balance.
A gooooood kisser.
Zero to little down time.
7" or more
Someone who makes me smile, laugh and horny

The kind of balance you're looking for is 100% based on communication, which is not usually a man's strongest asset. Bear in mind that I neither said they were unrealistic nor especially demanding, just that it's gonna take a very special kind of guy: you deserve to meet him, just bear in mind that he may not possess some/many of the other qualities you find important.

Oh, and thanks for mentioning kissing. I'm a face-to-face guy: open eyes, deep soulful kissing are an essential part of the process. Without that, nothing happens: nothing at all.

 

[B_subgirrl]

On the cute but dumb thing. My FB told me recently that I used to do the cute but dumb act when I was younger - his words were actually 'I never believed your cute but dumb act. If I had, I wouldn't have been interested in you'. I'd never even realised I was doing it.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Oh, and thanks for mentioning kissing. I'm a face-to-face guy: open eyes, deep soulful kissing are an essential part of the process. Without that, nothing happens: nothing at all.

I completely agree with this. The right kind of kiss can make me melt or orgasm. Kissing has to be one of the most erotic things on the face of the earth.

 

[Pendlum]

I completely agree with this. The right kind of kiss can make me melt or orgasm. Kissing has to be one of the most erotic things on the face of the earth.

And that is why it terrifies me. I'm dreading my first kiss. I can't help but imagine how painfully awkward it will be.

 

[B_subgirrl]

And that is why it terrifies me. I'm dreading my first kiss. I can't help but imagine how painfully awkward it will be.

You've not kissed anyone yet? You have so many fun times ahead of you! First kisses usually ARE awkward. However, if at least one of you know what you're doing it will be much less so. But a kiss that is the first with a particular partner can often be awkward too, until you get to know what each other like. My advice: just go with the flow. Go with what feels good to you, and with what she seems to enjoy. Don't worry about whether your eyes should be open or closed, or about which way you should turn your head, or anything similar. Focus on the feeling and you'll get it right (or close to it).

 

[Bbucko]

You've not kissed anyone yet? You have so many fun times ahead of you! First kisses usually ARE awkward. However, if at least one of you know what you're doing it will be much less so. But a kiss that is the first with a particular partner can often be awkward too, until you get to know what each other like. My advice: just go with the flow. Go with what feels good to you, and with what she seems to enjoy. Don't worry about whether your eyes should be open or closed, or about which way you should turn your head, or anything similar. Focus on the feeling and you'll get it right (or close to it).

Great advice from someone markedly less jaded than yours truly

 

[B_subgirrl]

Great advice from someone markedly less jaded than yours truly

Less jaded? Quite possibly :smile:. But my first kiss was a fair few years ago :biggrin1:.

 

[516778]

First off, there's nothing inherently controversial in anything you've written.

I will warn you that HIV- guys cannot serosort outside of an extremely tight and controlled circle of friends. I have heard that such circles exist, but I also know that people lie all the time, most especially as regards their HIV status. The only way to be certain of your status is to be tested 13 weeks prior to any unprotected encounter, and you can never be certain of the status of anyone else. That is simply a fact. Your best protection, barring nothing but mutual JO and/or abstinence, is in a long-term partnership based on truth and complete trust. I know that such relationships exist, I've just never experienced one personally (nor am I sure I've ever actually met one).

I will definitely not engage in any sexual activity before first making sure that person is HIV - it's not worth the risk for me. I had to do a little research on the serosort issue you brought up I must say that it's pretty interesting. I would make sure before I had sex with any guy that he was clean him telling me just isn't going to cut it. If there ever becomes a case where this doesn't happen I will quickly get myself checked to make sure. I know I can't be abstinent it's driving me crazy to be almost 26 and be this way. I guess condoms and tests will be the way or the road. I serious would prefer an long term relationship though I can't keep up with the one night stand lifestyle so many have.

I break with the general consensus here at LPSG in saying that a preference for a single race, while rather limiting, is not inherently wrong nor is it necessarily racist. Time and experience may or may not broaden your outlook, but I'm all for staying within one's own comfort range.

By default, I semi-exclusively "date" Latinos, because they are most likely to conform to all my criteria and prefs. One of my best friends (ever) only dated black men in their 20s (he's in his late 30s and is Italian-American). I know for a fact that there wasn't a racist bone in his body. He, much like me, simply can't "fake it", noe should we bother trying. And for the record, we are each non-versatile tops.

When I first met my most recent ex, he was a robust and very healthy 200 lbs; by the time we broke up, he'd admit to weighing 350, which I believe put him in the "400 Club". All interest in sex ceased somewhere between 250 and 275, though the relationship endured for five additional years.

Well, my limit to white guys only is just do to the simple fact that there's something about white guys they have that something special about them in how they look that I love more so than in any other nationality. Not to say that I won't in the future. Just right now I want to start off with white guys. I'm definitely not limiting myself to them in general just starting off I will.
And that's interesting about the relationship you had with the guy even though he had gained all of that weight. I'm not sure I could have stayed that long without helping him to lose some of the weight or even to start eating better with him to help him lose some weight. Honestly, I just can't see myself that big with someone or with someone that big. That may be insecure, selfish, and horrible thing to say but it's just not for me...and honestly I haven't seen to many gay guys who would agree to that either.

 

[B_subgirrl]

And that's interesting about the relationship you had with the guy even though he had gained all of that weight. I'm not sure I could have stayed that long without helping him to lose some of the weight or even to start eating better with him to help him lose some weight. Honestly, I just can't see myself that big with someone or with someone that big. That may be insecure, selfish, and horrible thing to say but it's just not for me...and honestly I haven't seen to many gay guys who would agree to that either.

Once you've been with someone for a few years most people have too much invested, emotionally and otherwise, to walk away just because they don't attract you physically anymore.

 

[Pendlum]

I either never knew or else forgot that you were a virgin, Pendy. As such, this makes your post very interesting, actually: more based on ideals than experience. There's no negative judgment implied here, just, as you say yourself, what you might respond in time (given a similar discussion) will be revised, and the differences will undoubtedly be fascinating.

I get the "omg you're a virgin" reaction a lot. :tongue: I hesitated for a while on making my post because of it. I decided to just start it in notepad and see how it went, and it ended up being a nice bit of fun. So I'm glad my you like my unique (so far) perspective. :smile: I'm looking forward to see how rapidly this changes when I do have sex for the first time and so forth.

I've had serious discussions in other places about the role alcohol and illicit drugs plays in sex, and my opinions have evolved significantly in the past four years.

First off: I don't ever play unless I'm sober (except for a beer or two): I do, whoever consume as much as two gallons of tepid black tea during an extended session. This keeps me alert, focused and facilitates WS with are such the rage here in FtL at this moment.

I do not play with anyone who is inebriated: they are not really consensual, are lazy fucks and seem never to have prepared properly for anal sex (yuck). However, there are a variety of substances and stimulants that bring others to a place I am already at being sober, and have learned over the last few years that I needn't condone what they do, nor do it myself, to accept the fact that they are, absolutely under such effects.

What I'd accept from a random playmate/hook-up/fuckbud, however, would not be acceptable behavior for a life partner.

Tepid black tea, yuck. :tongue: I'm so much more tolerant of drinking than I used to be ever since I started going out with friends to bars to have some drinks and a general good time. I still don't like when people start their day drinking and such. Anyway, I try not to judge people who do drugs, since I feel that they can do whatever they want to their body. But I can't help but look at it as an unattractive quality in a person. It's one I can get over if I like other things about them, but it's never been a plus for me, and it sends a very strong message to me if we are just meeting or getting to know each other. But either way, I would much rather they keep it out of sex with me. If they respect my right to not do it, or like it, then I feel they shouldn't use whatever during or before sex. Respect is important, even if it is just a hook up. That can go both ways, but I feel that I'm in the stronger position, after all, they have so much time that isn't sex to do that. And I I'd be the one who would be compromising if I let it slide. It's not as much as a compromise for them since at some point they HAVE to be not doing it. I'm sure this may change over time as well, but I feel very strongly about it now.

Little people is an interesting limit. As I am quite short and prefer being the bigger one, many of my sex partners have been between 5' and 5'4. And although I'd never actually fucked an honest-to-gawd little person, if s/he were capable of consent and otherwise matched the criteria and prefs, I might give it a roll. Never say never.

I'm only 5'7", so I'm not short or tall. Though I'm still under what a lot of women would like if only because they still might be taller than me in heels. :tongue: But just being short isn't a problem with me. I'm talking about the whole small body normal head type little person. Though I know there are some that are proportionate (thanks CSI!), but I still wouldn't find it attractive.

You've not kissed anyone yet? You have so many fun times ahead of you! First kisses usually ARE awkward. However, if at least one of you know what you're doing it will be much less so. But a kiss that is the first with a particular partner can often be awkward too, until you get to know what each other like. My advice: just go with the flow. Go with what feels good to you, and with what she seems to enjoy. Don't worry about whether your eyes should be open or closed, or about which way you should turn your head, or anything similar. Focus on the feeling and you'll get it right (or close to it).

That's part of the problem with me. I feel I have zero intuition when it comes to kissing. Like make out kissing, not just a peck on the lips or something. Also it is embarrassing. I don't feel embarrassed at all by being a virgin (occasionally frustrated), but I am genuinely embarrassed by the fact that I've never kissed anyone.

 

[B_subgirrl]

That's part of the problem with me. I feel I have zero intuition when it comes to kissing. Like make out kissing, not just a peck on the lips or something. Also it is embarrassing. I don't feel embarrassed at all by being a virgin (occasionally frustrated), but I am genuinely embarrassed by the fact that I've never kissed anyone.

I understand why you'd be embarrassed. There are many people who are virgins at 21, but rather fewer who have never kissed anyone. This is one place where being a drinker would come in handy - if it was awful the girl would blame it on the fact that you were drunk and never realise it was your first time :smile:.

And of course, you don't have any intuition! None of us do before we do it, but once you start you'll find a way that feels better than other ways. Just don't worry about not knowing how to do it, or about what you SHOULD be doing - it'll come to you.

I know before my first kiss (admittedly I was a teenage girl so maybe it was a little different to your situation) I used to be worried about how to do it and what you were SUPPOSED to do. But after your first few times I think most people never think about that stuff again. I mean, look at this site. Despite the fact that you quite often see people say that kissing is amazing and important etc etc, you don't tend to see threads about HOW to kiss. It's because after the first few times it pretty much comes instinctively. And even though everyone is different regarding how they like to be kissed, it's pretty easy to figure out exactly HOW an individual likes it.

So don't worry too much. You might be crap the first few times (most people are), but you'll pick it up pretty quickly.

 

[Pendlum]

I understand why you'd be embarrassed. There are many people who are virgins at 21, but rather fewer who have never kissed anyone. This is one place where being a drinker would come in handy - if it was awful the girl would blame it on the fact that you were drunk and never realise it was your first time :smile:.

And of course, you don't have any intuition! None of us do before we do it, but once you start you'll find a way that feels better than other ways. Just don't worry about not knowing how to do it, or about what you SHOULD be doing - it'll come to you.

I know before my first kiss (admittedly I was a teenage girl so maybe it was a little different to your situation) I used to be worried about how to do it and what you were SUPPOSED to do. But after your first few times I think most people never think about that stuff again. I mean, look at this site. Despite the fact that you quite often see people say that kissing is amazing and important etc etc, you don't tend to see threads about HOW to kiss. It's because after the first few times it pretty much comes instinctively. And even though everyone is different regarding how they like to be kissed, it's pretty easy to figure out exactly HOW an individual likes it.

So don't worry too much. You might be crap the first few times (most people are), but you'll pick it up pretty quickly.

Thank you. I wish I could say that you've help alleviate my anxiety over this issue, but I really appreciate the thought. I'm afraid that I'll repel whoever I happen to have my first kiss with. And it is so intimate in a strange way, which is really foreign to me. I get nervous just thinking about it, and I tend to clam up and think a lot when I'm nervous.

 

[Bbucko]

Less jaded? Quite possibly :smile:. But my first kiss was a fair few years ago :biggrin1:.

You'd be amazed what 20 years'll bring ya :wink:

 

[B_subgirrl]

You'd be amazed what 20 years'll bring ya :wink:

You've got a point there - I've only been having sex for 14 years :smile: