There are a lot of reasons why women aren't as forthright about their needs or wants. Speaking from personal experience, at one point in my life I didn't really know what I really liked - hard to ask when you don't have that understanding or knowledge base, and I think this is not solely an age issue. Not everyone is fully in tune with their bodies, and we shouldn't assume they are. At times, I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted - I was concerned about how I would be perceived and also how it would affect my boyfriend - I think this holds true for a lot of people regardless of gender. I would feel this way if I was starting a new relationship, since I would be just getting to know him sexually. Past relationship experience colors how comfortable I feel as well. Like some other posts from the ladies, I had a partner who had a "routine" which all his previous girlfriends supposedly loved, so he felt like that was being criticized when I asked for 3 things at different points (faster, harder, deeper). Personally I thought it was no big deal, but it was for him. I'm not sure if he felt he knew better what I would like (my perception) or I scared him by being demanding -or possibly both. Also like some other ladies, I had a boyfriend who for whatever reason was unable to follow up with any request during sex - not sure if he was too caught up in the moment or was unwilling. But I think anyone would understand how frustrating that could be at times! For me now, it is all about trust. My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile now, and the communication is there because we both feel safe to ask for what we want. And we are able to have fun with it.
I think some of the responses that women are better at communication therefore they should take the lead by making requests is just an unrealistic expectation. I could turn that around and say the onus of responsibility should rest with the guys to ask if their partner likes what they are doing, do they prefer A or B, etc...? It has the advantage of explicitly demonstrating to the partner that effort and care is being made to give them pleasure. I gave my personal examples because I think they need to see that there are reasons why women may not feel comfortable voicing specific needs and wants. And I didn't even cover issues like self esteem, culture, or any other issues that make it hard to be honest. I agree wholeheartedly that communication is key, that women should and need to speak up, that we cannot expect men to be mindreaders. But the trust necessary for successful communication at this intimate level is earned, not just given. If a partner is not comfortable asking, then perhaps some work should be done by both parties to nurture the relationship and ensure that both feel safe to make requests.