How can I be comfortable enough with experimenting for the first time?

[ripsrips]

Hi you guys. This might be a long read but I'll try to make it short! If you reach the end, any advice would be appreciated, thank you!

I'm 22 years old and am bisexual. However, I'm not "out" yet. Thanks to several members of this board, I've come to accept my attraction to men. I've also come to realize that I don't need to label myself (I believe bisexual is the closest thing you could call me though?) or "come out" because my sexuality is my sexuality and it's fluid, meaning that I don't need to advertise it if I choose not to or feel pressure to date a gender and stick with it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

After a string of failed dating attempts, talking stages, relationships, etc. with women, I feel as if I'm ready to experiment with guys. This thought has been in the back of my head for a while now and since I'm single, I think I'm ready to take that first step. I've never done anything with a guy before, I've never even talked to one as more than a friend. No one in my life knows of my attraction to men. Honestly, I still can't see myself being physically intimate with another guy. People on this site have told me that may be a result of me having never done it before, internalized homophobia, etc. etc. I digress, I feel like I'm willing to finally try talking to one in a way that's more than friends.

I made an anonymous account on Grindr with no pictures uploaded. I found two guys on there that I think are attractive (Even if we're just friends that definitely with me). They both have pictures uploaded, although their faces aren't in them. I'm guessing they don't want to be identified or something, I'm not really sure how Grindr works.

They're willing to talk with me more on Snapchat but I know that I'll have to send pictures with my face included or at least my body. I mean they have to have SOME idea of who they're talking to right? But that's where I begin to freak out. Because texting leads to phone calls, which could lead to video calls, which finally leads to meeting in person.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I’m nervous about the fact that: If I do this, there’ll be people out there, in the real world and in my area, that without a doubt know that I’m into guys. I’m worried about us knowing mutual people and them telling others. I’m just paranoid about the entire thing because I don’t want to come out but at the same time, I’m ready to experiment.

Like I said earlier, they're not showing their faces in the pictures either. Maybe they're not out either and don't want to be seen by people they know? Maybe they have something to lose too? Or maybe that's just something normal to do on Grindr? I don't know but it's starting to stress me out.

I suppose I could just make a fake Snapchat account and go from there, but that still doesn't really solve the problem of me having to eventually show them (at least some of) what I look like. I’m stuck and I’d please like some advice from someone who’s out, in my shoes or has been? Thank you, I’d really appreciate it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I wanna experiment with guys for the first time, but I’m not out of the closet and don’t wanna be exposed etc. How should I go about doing things? Thank you.

It's definitely not easy to find someone at first, the grinder guys without face pics is an almost certain red flag, especially on grinder.
Find someone you're attracted to, invite them to coffee, beer whatever works, invite them to your place for watching a game.
Halfway through make a comment about how you would rather be watching porn, if he agrees, ask him what type do you like? Watching any type of porn doesn't matter as long as it proceeds.
There's your chance and while watching put your hand in your pants. Don't rush, Don't pull your pants down immediately and start beating off,, wait until he does the same or is rubbing himself and after a few say damn I need to release my load and that's when you ask is that all right. If he agrees then you're there. If he keeps staring at your junk while you stare at his, ask, do you need a hand? Take it slow and easy and be safe.

 

[sammer]

Hi you guys. This might be a long read but I'll try to make it short! If you reach the end, any advice would be appreciated, thank you!

I'm 22 years old and am bisexual. However, I'm not "out" yet. Thanks to several members of this board, I've come to accept my attraction to men. I've also come to realize that I don't need to label myself (I believe bisexual is the closest thing you could call me though?) or "come out" because my sexuality is my sexuality and it's fluid, meaning that I don't need to advertise it if I choose not to or feel pressure to date a gender and stick with it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

After a string of failed dating attempts, talking stages, relationships, etc. with women, I feel as if I'm ready to experiment with guys. This thought has been in the back of my head for a while now and since I'm single, I think I'm ready to take that first step. I've never done anything with a guy before, I've never even talked to one as more than a friend. No one in my life knows of my attraction to men. Honestly, I still can't see myself being physically intimate with another guy. People on this site have told me that may be a result of me having never done it before, internalized homophobia, etc. etc. I digress, I feel like I'm willing to finally try talking to one in a way that's more than friends.

I made an anonymous account on Grindr with no pictures uploaded. I found two guys on there that I think are attractive (Even if we're just friends that definitely with me). They both have pictures uploaded, although their faces aren't in them. I'm guessing they don't want to be identified or something, I'm not really sure how Grindr works.

They're willing to talk with me more on Snapchat but I know that I'll have to send pictures with my face included or at least my body. I mean they have to have SOME idea of who they're talking to right? But that's where I begin to freak out. Because texting leads to phone calls, which could lead to video calls, which finally leads to meeting in person.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I’m nervous about the fact that: If I do this, there’ll be people out there, in the real world and in my area, that without a doubt know that I’m into guys. I’m worried about us knowing mutual people and them telling others. I’m just paranoid about the entire thing because I don’t want to come out but at the same time, I’m ready to experiment.

Like I said earlier, they're not showing their faces in the pictures either. Maybe they're not out either and don't want to be seen by people they know? Maybe they have something to lose too? Or maybe that's just something normal to do on Grindr? I don't know but it's starting to stress me out.

I suppose I could just make a fake Snapchat account and go from there, but that still doesn't really solve the problem of me having to eventually show them (at least some of) what I look like. I’m stuck and I’d please like some advice from someone who’s out, in my shoes or has been? Thank you, I’d really appreciate it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I wanna experiment with guys for the first time, but I’m not out of the closet and don’t wanna be exposed etc. How should I go about doing things? Thank you.

So glad you have somewhere to come and talk even if it's online. Just know you are not alone and you will be o.k... We are all different in so many great ways emotionally, physically and mentally embrace yourself for how you are each day and be ok knowing that it might look different as time passes. With all that said;
Definitely gotta rip the band aide off at some point bud. Of course in your own time... and in your own way...
My suggestion: I think you may benefit from dropping the sex part out of the equation/situation at first and just focus on making friends with other guys who are either, gay, bi, bi-curious, straight curious and or know how to hold space for guys as interesting as yourself. This way you will be able to fully be yourself or at the very least express aspects of who you are; you'll be able to relate to them and perhaps form deep connects or friendships which perhaps may lead to experimentation(s). This could take days, weeks or months but go along for the ride and enjoy the process. You have more control than you think. This is where you will see where you lie on the spectrum so to speak, if and how you may label yourself if ever. You will also learn boundaries, what works for you and what doesn't. If you have a type and what type it is and also wether or not a relationship with men is something for you. I think this is why you might feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment because so much is up in the air.
For now don't focus on sex or what you think you should be doing or how you should be doing it. Focus on friendships, connections and bonds with other men of all walks of life to better know yourself. We can learn so much about ourselves through others. I hope this helps. Also feel free to reach out if there is anything i can do even if it's to be an ear. Im all for it.

 

[MilfBanger78]

Really good post

I had the urge.for yrs.. took me till i was 27 to just say fuck it and do it...met a guy on yahoo chat with a huge dick that by luck happened to live 5 mins from me lol. i had talked to others but backed out...but man once u taste it...and let yourself go....taste the precum and then feel that big load coming, and vice versa...its addictive. The key is to stop caring

I would also suggest cock sucking hypno vids

 

[deleted16577781]

Why dont you get a full body massage from a guy and see how you feel about that?

That way its "just a massage" and at the same time you get to feel and experience a guy touching your naked body.

This here... exactly this... I've recommended this to many 'curious' men... on another site and in chat I would read stories of 'married' men who found themselves 'feeling curious' and in their heads they were going from 'married and children' to 'full on man2man sex' and hadn't done anything, yet.. massage with a happy ending can be a great way of touching another man - as bi2 has said and you can move on without them phoning you etc ! As an out gay man I tried it three times many years ago, just to see what it was like. Loved it. relaxed environment and had a very happy ending.

 

[bi2]

This here... exactly this... I've recommended this to many 'curious' men... on another site and in chat I would read stories of 'married' men who found themselves 'feeling curious' and in their heads they were going from 'married and children' to 'full on man2man sex' and hadn't done anything, yet.. massage with a happy ending can be a great way of touching another man - as bi2 has said and you can move on without them phoning you etc ! As an out gay man I tried it three times many years ago, just to see what it was like. Loved it. relaxed environment and had a very happy ending.

The best part, is that if you have an regrets, you move on and its something you tried but isnt for you.

On the flip side, if its something you enjoy and loved, you open yourself up more to exploring at your own pace and speed.

A Male to Male massage is what I would recommend any "straight" or Bi curious guy to explore first. Harmless fun without any issues afterwards.

 

[Vidkid25]

1. Being straightforward with yourself and the other guy is key. Know each other's limits (dos/don'ts) beforehand
2. You have to feel comfortable with yourself before you can feel comfortable with another guy. Sounds like you are so scared to be found out that you won't be comfortable with intimacy.
3. Don't rush it. I suggest meeting as friends and for both parties to not expect anything more. Watch a movie or eat meal together. At the end of those 2 hours, you'll know if there's even a chance you'll want to do more with that particular guy. If not, try again. Don't rush it and be put off guys altogether if the first guy isn't the best experience

 

[dzcrt39]

This here... exactly this... I've recommended this to many 'curious' men... on another site and in chat I would read stories of 'married' men who found themselves 'feeling curious' and in their heads they were going from 'married and children' to 'full on man2man sex' and hadn't done anything, yet.. massage with a happy ending can be a great way of touching another man - as bi2 has said and you can move on without them phoning you etc ! As an out gay man I tried it three times many years ago, just to see what it was like. Loved it. relaxed environment and had a very happy ending.

The best part, is that if you have an regrets, you move on and its something you tried but isnt for you.

On the flip side, if its something you enjoy and loved, you open yourself up more to exploring at your own pace and speed.

A Male to Male massage is what I would recommend any "straight" or Bi curious guy to explore first. Harmless fun without any issues afterwards.

A Male to Male massage was how I tested the waters and it was great! Discreet, no commitment, safe. Great advice!

 

[jaoquinus]

Honestly, I still can't see myself being physically intimate with another guy. People on this site have told me that may be a result of me having never done it before, internalized homophobia, etc. etc.

They're willing to talk with me more on Snapchat but I know that I'll have to send pictures with my face included or at least my body.

You not being able to see yourself being intimate with another guy should be a huge red flag for you. What others told you may shed some light, but ultimately, that doesn't nail where your head is at. Only you can figure that out and you should do it before moving forward. Are you talking about hanging out naked, jerking off, touching, having sex, or all of it? A lot of guys might suggest trying it to figure out if you like it, but that's not always the best way to go. People often confuse something feeling good with it being right for them and that's not always the case.

You should really unpack your motivations, because I have to question if you really want to dive in to anything with a guy or if this is an emotional reaction to your dating failures with women. Maybe you're thinking it will be easier with a guy, since you can relate to them more. Or maybe you don't even want to get intimate with a man, but are looking for a connection that is closer than the traditional male friendship. In this society, the top tier of closeness is often associated with sexual activity - ex: how much closer can you be with a man than to get naked with him and fool around. Well, the answer is that you can become best friends with him. Two guys who enjoy spending time with each other and who can have deep, open conversations without judgement and without it being more than a close friendship. If that's the true role you're looking to fill, it's not going to necessarily be filled by having sex with someone. Most people on sites and apps want just the sex, not the emotional connection. You don't always get both. And it could be psychologically devastating to give up the sex and realize it was with someone who didn't value you for more than just that sex. So, you need to know your end goal very clearly before you move forward. It could save you a lifetime of heartache.

As far as photos, you don't ever need to send ANYONE photos of any part of your body. I've never done that and never will. It's just not my thing. (But also, if you're planning on a public career, it's just not wise. See Anthony Weiner, Madison Cawthorn, and Hunter Biden. People say, "It's 2022! Nobody cares!" Yes, some do. And it can ruin your professional life if you cross the wrong people and they come across those photos.) The people I communicate with will either understand that or they can take a hike. And many have. It will absolutely reduce your chances of success online, but it won't be impossible. Remember the term "let's plan to meet in person first." And, again, know your end goal. I'm not after meeting someone who only wants to meet because of the size of this or the amount of hair on that. After chatting with me for 5 minutes, if you don't realize that I'm an exceptional human being worth getting to know, then we're probably not a match anyway.

 

[bi2]

A Male to Male massage was how I tested the waters and it was great! Discreet, no commitment, safe. Great advice!

Thank you for the compliment, very sweet of you to say that.

I think the best part of exploring your sexuality and testing the waters with a male to male massage, is that you control the environment and can do as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.

Having your body massaged, touched, groped all over, will almost always make you feel horny and excited and enable you to test how comfortable you are with man feeling you. By the time he gets to your dick, your almost ready to explode, so a great happy ending is inevitable. If after all that touching you dont want a happy ending, then there is no harm done, no one is upset and you can leave having your curiosities tested.

The discreet and safe aspect ensures that when you leave, you leave behind that sexual experience and move on, comfortably with no regrets and no one, none the wiser.

 

[Andyc316]

Hi you guys. This might be a long read but I'll try to make it short! If you reach the end, any advice would be appreciated, thank you!

I'm 22 years old and am bisexual. However, I'm not "out" yet. Thanks to several members of this board, I've come to accept my attraction to men. I've also come to realize that I don't need to label myself (I believe bisexual is the closest thing you could call me though?) or "come out" because my sexuality is my sexuality and it's fluid, meaning that I don't need to advertise it if I choose not to or feel pressure to date a gender and stick with it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

After a string of failed dating attempts, talking stages, relationships, etc. with women, I feel as if I'm ready to experiment with guys. This thought has been in the back of my head for a while now and since I'm single, I think I'm ready to take that first step. I've never done anything with a guy before, I've never even talked to one as more than a friend. No one in my life knows of my attraction to men. Honestly, I still can't see myself being physically intimate with another guy. People on this site have told me that may be a result of me having never done it before, internalized homophobia, etc. etc. I digress, I feel like I'm willing to finally try talking to one in a way that's more than friends.

I made an anonymous account on Grindr with no pictures uploaded. I found two guys on there that I think are attractive (Even if we're just friends that definitely with me). They both have pictures uploaded, although their faces aren't in them. I'm guessing they don't want to be identified or something, I'm not really sure how Grindr works.

They're willing to talk with me more on Snapchat but I know that I'll have to send pictures with my face included or at least my body. I mean they have to have SOME idea of who they're talking to right? But that's where I begin to freak out. Because texting leads to phone calls, which could lead to video calls, which finally leads to meeting in person.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I’m nervous about the fact that: If I do this, there’ll be people out there, in the real world and in my area, that without a doubt know that I’m into guys. I’m worried about us knowing mutual people and them telling others. I’m just paranoid about the entire thing because I don’t want to come out but at the same time, I’m ready to experiment.

Like I said earlier, they're not showing their faces in the pictures either. Maybe they're not out either and don't want to be seen by people they know? Maybe they have something to lose too? Or maybe that's just something normal to do on Grindr? I don't know but it's starting to stress me out.

I suppose I could just make a fake Snapchat account and go from there, but that still doesn't really solve the problem of me having to eventually show them (at least some of) what I look like. I’m stuck and I’d please like some advice from someone who’s out, in my shoes or has been? Thank you, I’d really appreciate it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I wanna experiment with guys for the first time, but I’m not out of the closet and don’t wanna be exposed etc. How should I go about doing things? Thank you.

Reading your post reminded me so much of myself when I was first beginning to explore my sexuality and the nerves I felt at being “out”. I think the key is being honest and upfront with them about how your feeling and what it is you want from the “relationship”. It’s completely okay to want discretion as long as they’re okay with it too. Don’t feel like you have to go and do “date” things (you should always meet in public places at first through anyway). Always be upfront with what you want out of them, and you should be okay. Good luck

 

[Stephenmass]

There are so many guys on the DL. If you are comfortable there, it's all good. You are not alone. I remember when I was in your position. I was even petrified to go into a gay club.

Don't rush when searching online and never fully trust anyone (99% of the guys are fine). I'd also suggest meeting somewhere PUBLIC for coffee, a beer, whatever environment you are comfortable in. If you find someone online, talk with them thru the site for a bit and try to get to know them a bit. Some of the guys will balk at this, they just want to get their rocks off and move on to the next. If that happens, no loss, you are no worse off by not meeting them because a red flag goes up within you for whatever reason. Determine what you would be comfortable doing if it got there and what you wouldn't be comfortable doing, for example jerk off only, oral only, or more if that is your intent. Make it clear you are on the DL and want to remain that way. That's why I said it's easier to find someone in that same boat as you are. Perhaps seek out a "newbie" such as yourself to make it more comfortable all around. But meet in public with no promises to anyone. That leaves the door open to not go further if you don't want to, etc. I'd keep away from inviting them to your private places, such as your home, a health club or whatever.

Then you have to trust your own instincts and gut if you want to go further. You may not, you may want to badly because the guy is a nice guy and you two hit it off when outside somewhere. I always had in my own head that I had to find the guy attractive and personable and not creepy kinda thing. It's hard to do, but the first time is always the hardest if you do go further.

I don't trust anyone that tells me they are negative all around, etc. You never know, so remain as safe as you can without being so paranoid you can't have a good time.

If you want to talk more here, it's all good. Feel free to drop a line.

 

[Kleine1948]

Hi you guys. This might be a long read but I'll try to make it short! If you reach the end, any advice would be appreciated, thank you!

I'm 22 years old and am bisexual. However, I'm not "out" yet. Thanks to several members of this board, I've come to accept my attraction to men. I've also come to realize that I don't need to label myself (I believe bisexual is the closest thing you could call me though?) or "come out" because my sexuality is my sexuality and it's fluid, meaning that I don't need to advertise it if I choose not to or feel pressure to date a gender and stick with it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

After a string of failed dating attempts, talking stages, relationships, etc. with women, I feel as if I'm ready to experiment with guys. This thought has been in the back of my head for a while now and since I'm single, I think I'm ready to take that first step. I've never done anything with a guy before, I've never even talked to one as more than a friend. No one in my life knows of my attraction to men. Honestly, I still can't see myself being physically intimate with another guy. People on this site have told me that may be a result of me having never done it before, internalized homophobia, etc. etc. I digress, I feel like I'm willing to finally try talking to one in a way that's more than friends.

I made an anonymous account on Grindr with no pictures uploaded. I found two guys on there that I think are attractive (Even if we're just friends that definitely with me). They both have pictures uploaded, although their faces aren't in them. I'm guessing they don't want to be identified or something, I'm not really sure how Grindr works.

They're willing to talk with me more on Snapchat but I know that I'll have to send pictures with my face included or at least my body. I mean they have to have SOME idea of who they're talking to right? But that's where I begin to freak out. Because texting leads to phone calls, which could lead to video calls, which finally leads to meeting in person.

-------------------------------------------------------------

I’m nervous about the fact that: If I do this, there’ll be people out there, in the real world and in my area, that without a doubt know that I’m into guys. I’m worried about us knowing mutual people and them telling others. I’m just paranoid about the entire thing because I don’t want to come out but at the same time, I’m ready to experiment.

Like I said earlier, they're not showing their faces in the pictures either. Maybe they're not out either and don't want to be seen by people they know? Maybe they have something to lose too? Or maybe that's just something normal to do on Grindr? I don't know but it's starting to stress me out.

I suppose I could just make a fake Snapchat account and go from there, but that still doesn't really solve the problem of me having to eventually show them (at least some of) what I look like. I’m stuck and I’d please like some advice from someone who’s out, in my shoes or has been? Thank you, I’d really appreciate it.

-------------------------------------------------------------

TL;DR: I wanna experiment with guys for the first time, but I’m not out of the closet and don’t wanna be exposed etc. How should I go about doing things? Thank you.

Back in 2003 when we moved to the big city. I found and article about nudist gay club. I told my wife about it and she said right away go and find out. So I did, my first interaction was clothed of course because it was not on the evening that all gay guys got together. He invited me to come on the evening when all gay guys are together. I explained it to my wife and she said go and enjoy. That night came and being that it was also a potluck supper so we all sat around naked on a towel that you brought along and talked about what ever came to our minds. The organizer introduced me to the other guys we had supper sometimes I felt one hand touching my leg or knee and I all let it happen and yes I was getting an erection, not a full blown hardon. And so I stay with this group and every month we got together had supper and some drinks that we too brought along and three or four hours later we all went home. At one time I went upstairs although we all changed upstairs and then we came down and chit chat about whatever comes to our minds. Upstairs was also a sauna with room for only five guys sitting and two standing. So sitting between guys and have two guys standing in front of you sure got you going and in no time I had a blow job. After twenty minutes or so when all the excitement faded away I came out the sauna and saw two guys lying on bed fucking their hearts out in front of five or six guys. An hour later I left for home and told her of what I saw and all she said "wow" buy she could see my cock was used and she didn't say anything. Unfortunately she passed away suddenly in 2019 so all these years she supported me going to this gay club and in the spring of 2019 there was an article on TV about sexual orientation and so I asked where do I fit in and she said right away I am BI sexual. "You sure" I asked she said yes.

 

[Jay-E]

Don't rush when searching online and never fully trust anyone (99% of the guys are fine). I'd also suggest meeting somewhere PUBLIC for coffee, a beer, whatever environment you are comfortable in. If you find someone online, talk with them thru the site for a bit and try to get to know them a bit. Some of the guys will balk at this, they just want to get their rocks off and move on to the next. If that happens, no loss, you are no worse off by not meeting them because a red flag goes up within you for whatever reason. Determine what you would be comfortable doing if it got there and what you wouldn't be comfortable doing, for example jerk off only, oral only, or more if that is your intent. Make it clear you are on the DL and want to remain that way.

I’d also pay attention for any flags of drug use, or ask if they are sober. We have a problem on these apps today with guys not disclosing what activities they want to get into before meeting up, one of the reasons is because you can’t spell out the word D R U G on many of these apps, so a lot of guys just leave their profiles completely blank.

Also make sure you are meeting up with just them and not someone else that is there with them (some guys use their “buds” as bait on these apps)