The following is excepted from several PM's I sent to Derbytom in a private discussion of this issue.
i share a portion of my own thoughts as I feel they are pertinent.
The point is that anyone capable of discerning that they are symbolizing reality and categorizing experience as simply a means to make quick assessments and guidelines, is also capable of understanding that those assessments are just rough guesses and always subject to refinement or rejection based upon reality.
Turn to any personals ads in any paper.... or go to any dating site...
What will you find?
People Labeling Themselves as to interests and preferences...
"men looking for men" "Women looking for men" "Man looking for couples"... the and specificity of the labeling is WHY these means of hooking up do so much better for those who are looking for a very specific person.
I have to maintain that any idea that labeling and stereotyping is "wrong" is simply a failure to understand how critical it is to how human beings think. We could no more stop it than we could stop dreaming.
Its how we are wired.
You might find out thru conversation that a guy dressed as a gangsta is really a sweetheart... and thus re-categorize HIM. That does not mean that being wary of guys dressed that way is invalid, overall, because guys who ARE dangerous DO dress that way specifically to warn others of their dangerousness.
Again... its a nice thought to imagine everyone is unique... but they are not... they are MOSTLY categorizable.
If not, advertising wouldn't work and movies would not find appreciative audiences.
You do not HAVE to label yourself as others do... but the way others label you DOES matter... because you have to come to grips with the fact that they do so...
And, unless you want to live entirely socially isolated from others, to a certain extent, you have to play along.
For example... if everyone thinks you are gay, but you are straight, then that tells you something about how YOU behave, because people are identifying you by what they observe. In such a case, this perception of you as gay may seriously get in the way of your finding a suitable mate, or even getting a date.
You have two choices... you can rail against the societal assumptions about masculinity and homosexuality and demand the entirety of humanity stop stereotyping. ( good luck)... or you can change your behavior to fit in with what people consider "straight"... in other words, figure out why folks think you're gay and change that.
We are not JUST individuals. We live in and utterly rely on a community of our fellows.
A man's standing in the community is no better than what people say about him behind his back. Its not necessarily fair... but it is absolutely true.
Your community DEFINES your standing within the community.... all you can do is hope to influence it thru your actions.
This is the way nature works... you can be an oddball, unique and special... But MOST females are attracted to a certain handful of traits... this is driven by biology, not their beliefs, so it is not going to change.
The more you chose to NOT fall into a known category, the slimmer you make your chances of finding everything, from work, to a circle of friends, to a mate.
You are free to do so... but then to rail against the fact that everyone else is finding mates, jobs, etc BECAUSE they understand that labeling is useful and they take advantage of it is spurious.
How about creating a label that others who are like you will be able to adopt?
that, or take a marginalized or dismissed label and re-define it.
The label of homosexuality has changed over the past century... and that because of the combined efforts of a huge GROUP of people, all of like mind, and like conduct, who strove over a generation to redefine the label... not to eliminate it. These people found each other in bars that were labels, and moved into communities that were labels, and adopted iconography that were labels.
The social response to homosexuality changed BECAUSE of effective brand labeling.
Again... for men who love women and still like to have recreational sex with guys... the BEST option would be to FIND each other and create a NEW label to define and identify themselves.
Back in the day, gay men used to stuff a red handkerchief in their back pocket to identify each other in a crowd.
Anyone who doesn't want to live their lives alone, who wants to share common interests and passions with their fellows, would do better by embracing labeling, rather than eschewing it.
In fact, It is thru the denial or rejection of a valid label that society manages to injure both individuals and groups… Not by labeling them... but by refusing to accept a label they desperately prefer or need.
For example, gay people desperately want access to the label of "married", and the societal recognition that confers...
It is the denial of that label that they protest.
and, in our case... the remnant of homophobic prejudices, coupled with the "all-or-nothing" attitude toward any homosexual tendencies that is embraced Both by the straight community and actively advocated by the gay community are what conspires to deny the full spectrum of bisexuality to be recognized and accepted.
It is not the label of bisexuality that is the problem... it is the fact that Both straight and gay communities express skepticism that such a thing exists...
The assumption that ALL 'bisexual' males are simply in denial of their total homosexuality.
That is not labeling.... its the rejection of a label as being valid.
In essence, it is by denying a group a label that you marginalize them, ignore them, and pressure them to try and be something they are not... Not by labeling them.
Any group can take a marginalized label and, like the gay community, re-define it as acceptable… it simply takes activism and visibility, and time.
So, again...
the mistake people make is in demonizing the idea of a label... rather than people's tendency to deny acceptance or recognition to those who do not fit in their particular label.
What all people seek is a word or other mental symbol with which to feel identification, thru which to find others like themselves.
It is tribal. it is built into our brains.
It is how we process our experience of the world and of ourselves.
Think of it as marketing.
You, as a product you are trying to sell to that demographic that seeks what you have to offer.
The Gay community has done a great job of building their brand.
Its time for those with wider sexual interests to build their brand.
Only then will people of mixed sexual repsonse have true community and belonging.