Well, if nothing else, it's clear most people have a view on this, be it not bothered to almost out and out offended by it.
Well, here my point, yeah I am a 29yo virgin and I guess it’s because I honestly have never had the opportunity to explore my sexuality. I’ve always lived in a fairly remote area; have never been the most confident of men and looking back at it now grew up in a very homophobic environment. Name one kid growing up in the 80/90s that wanted to be labelled a bent, faggot or queer, name a kid that honestly knew what that meant, lol.
Growing up, I kind knew I wasn’t the same as the other guys, there were similarities sure but it was clear with an almost unspoken recognition that there was a difference. I was never a sporty 'jock' and was clearly amidst the legion of Sci-Fi 'nerds', although I never attended a Star Trek conference, lol.
I always figured whatever was ‘wrong’ with me (not really understanding I was probably gayer than str8) was something that would fix over time, I would grow out of as it were. But as I got older the differences between me, my attitudes, my understanding was still different from that of your average classically identifiable red blooded male.
To guys around me them, sex was everything and virginity was like acne, something you’re desperate to get rid of. Ever remember the saying, ‘Who’s looking at the fire place when you’re stoking the fire’? or ‘Any port in a storm’? or ‘Why have a dog and bark yourself’? I remember think that was kind of cold, I actually wanted to have a positive opinion of whoever I was going to sleep with not just shag about like a dog with two dicks, an attitude I’ve consequently paid for with men and women it would seem. Retrospectively, it’s kind of amazing how other people immaturity at times could be our only frame of reference.
So whatever was 'broken' in me was not going to be fixed anytime soon and as a kid, to a teen to a young man, this is exceptionally difficult to rationalise, accept or understand which makes relationships platonic or otherwise difficult to form. Although I have always been attracted to women, well, some anyway, I can honestly say the opportunity to have sex with women never presented itself.
Women have always kind of frightened me a bit, their attitudes towards guys, (when growing up at least) was they had to be super confident, ridiculously strong, square jawed, broad shouldered, rough house accents, stubble faced sports gods with a massive cock and anything that didn’t broadly conform to that ideal was 'just good friends' material or 'someone that makes me laugh' and as that’s what women want, men around you reinforce it just to get laid. Women seem to be self-denying and contradictory about masculinity sometimes, but basically, the long and the short of it is, that as a man if you are perceived as non-sexually threatening to a women, or not regarded as 'one of the lads' by other men, you are dismissed as a sexual mate.
And yeah, as time goes but, (which it bloody does) your confidence goes down till you reach the point women are fine as mates but unapproachable as sexual partners, then you come to the realisation that, shit, I really wouldn’t know what to do with one even if I did manage to attract one, lol.
At 26/7 I slowly came to the painful realisation that I was most likely gay, an understanding nearly impossible to accept given my life circumstances but the only one that seem plausible. Now at 29, having tried my best to understand the gay world after feeling and proving to be such an abject failure in the str8 world, I can honestly say I just have never met anyone for me. As women are dismissive, guys can be just plain arseholes, lol.
Nice guys do finish last and why, because no one really wants them, you have to be willing to be a complete bastard sometimes, deep down that what people want even if they don’t want to see it, despite what some people say, that much is true. People, male and female DO judge you harshly for being a perceived older virgin, rightly or wrongly.
I am both accepting, comfortable and deeply embarrassed and ashamed of myself for being a virgin at 29. But considering I didn’t really know my arse from my elbow till I was 26/7, I think a couple of years in the gay world is an acceptable amount of time to not have shagged the first guy that came my way. I’m willing to pay the price for not ‘just making do’ or ‘settling for’ and that price is being inexperience and frankly lonely for as long as it take to find someone right for me.
How’s that for too much information, lol
I think now, the only way i'd want to sleep with a women is as part of a threesome, with a bigger more confident male there, showing me what the fuck i should do, lol