What Was Your Father Like? Good or Bad?

[AlteredEgo]

My father did not take responsibility for his feelings. He did not take responsibility for his children. I speak in past tense and yet he is alive and well.

His mother is also alive and well. Very volatile. Very cold. Very wicked. He is the spitting image of her emotionally.



I want children desperately, but I fear I may not have any because I have a mechanism that neglects closeness due to events with my father. I do not want my children to feel how I do now. I do not want to promote resentment.

You know, I think the first steps to breaking the cycle have already been taken. You have thought quite abit about your feelings, and have even attempted to empathize with your father. This is evident from your analysis of his dealings with your grandmother. I think if you want to have children, and want to be a better father than the example you were given, you can absolutely do it, because you are thoughtful about the subject, and willing. Have you considered talking to a counselor? An objective, trained person, who can help you identifyand eliminate whatever may exist in yourself which would perpetuate a pattern of emotional distance?

My father's mother is a tiny bundle of sunshine and bliss. She is the most amazing woman I know. One day, if it seems relevant, I will write about some of her adventures. She moved 1500 miles away before I was born, but she called me on the phone, invited me to her home, sent cards and presents, and demanded photos of important occasions in my life which she displays proudly in her house. My father was nothing like that. And while he avoided my family like a coward, the woman he feared so much he abandoned his baby, (my mother's mother) did his job for him. I honestly have no idea how my father could have been the father he was. His parents were awesome, and they put their children first.

 

[sweatyblackballs]

You know, I think the first steps to breaking the cycle have already been taken. You have thought quite abit about your feelings, and have even attempted to empathize with your father. This is evident from your analysis of his dealings with your grandmother. I think if you want to have children, and want to be a better father than the example you were given, you can absolutely do it, because you are thoughtful about the subject, and willing. Have you considered talking to a counselor? An objective, trained person, who can help you identifyand eliminate whatever may exist in yourself which would perpetuate a pattern of emotional distance?

Firstly, let me say what a joy it is to communicate with you especially given our recent misunderstandings. I am touched by your description of your father's mother. I have man strong women in my life also and always have done, and am always moved by their generosity and strength. God has been good to me in that respect.
I have considered counselling, but I think much of what we fight against in life are our own battles and there is a great strength in being able to sort through your problems with wisdom and guidance, mine comes from having faith. Counselling is not for me. :smile:

 

[AlteredEgo]

Firstly, let me say what a joy it is to communicate with you especially given our recent misunderstandings. I am touched by your description of your father's mother. I have man strong women in my life also and always have done, and am always moved by their generosity and strength. God has been good to me in that respect.
I have considered counselling, but I think much of what we fight against in life are our own battles and there is a great strength in being able to sort through your problems with wisdom and guidance, mine comes from having faith. Counselling is not for me. :smile:

Yes, counselling isn't for everyone, I agree. Honesty, on the other hand, is. Remember how I described my mother's mother as hard and cold, but posessed of a capacity for tenderness as well? Well, she once confessed to me that she knows she's got a tendency to be distant with people, and she talked to me at length about how that impacted her marriage. She said nothing of how it affects our own relationship, but she didn't need to; I could draw my own parallels. You could do similarly with your children. You clearly have the objectivity to do it. If you talk to them about what your family is like, and how it's affected you, and what you'd like your relationship to be like, they can know for sure how very loved they are, how you loved them long before they were conceived, and how you want desperately for their emotional lives to be different from yours. It will make a huge difference for them if you talk to them about it, especially while they are still young. It has made a big difference for Grandma and I, and we only had our chat a few years ago.

SweatyBB, I feel that just because we argue about one subject, we don't have to be unable to meet minds over other matters. I'm glad you feel similarly. :biggrin1: For what it's worth, if I hurt your feelings, I apologize.

 

[sweatyblackballs]

SweatyBB, I feel that just because we argue about one subject, we don't have to be unable to meet minds over other matters. I'm glad you feel similarly. :biggrin1: For what it's worth, if I hurt your feelings, I apologize.

Ditto ... :biggrin1:

 

[Whopper-lee]

Lost my dad at an early age. Hee was in the arm forces... I can't recall much, but what my mama would mention sometimes & from what my gandpa & grandma would say.
Ma would say, I was a lot like him in ways sometimes, when my step-pa wasn't around, who was real hell on me at times (esp when mama wasn't around).
Mama made me leave his pictures at home when moved with them in Chicago.
Told me to obey my step-pa with no back talk or problems...do what he tills me to do and keep my mouth shut...so I did...he still would beat me for little or nothin even for studdering which got worst when he was around.
And it seem like he was always around 24/7 while my mama worked 2 jobs.
He had some kind of big income from the service/US govt. didn't have to work.
He gave my step-bros any & everything they wanted or thought they wanted.
He didn't even wanna buy me new shows. But he had too cause my feet were bigger than his & my step-bros.
He and my step-bros use to step & kick on my feet all the time...callin me big feet and shit like that.
He also tried to make me wear my older step-bros hand-me-down shoes that was a size 10. I was wearin a size 12 then.
Anyway...those aren't the best memories or times.

My grandpa & his bros. and sons were the major father figures dealing with me that I learned from as a boy and man & still today I enjoyed & appreicate it much.
I have in tried to instill these same qualities in my sons...and they aint turned out too bad at all.
I've alway wondered how it wooder been if my real father had been around
to raise me. But, will never get that true chance in this life.
Sometimes ...aint life a 'bitch' & 'hell' then you die!

 

[Jovial]

ProfessorH: It's nice to hear that things are getting better and you are only 22.

HungDavid: I'd give my father a D+ or C-. He did have a good work ethic, got himself up every morning to go to work, so he set a good example that way. Didn't set a very good example for being in control of his emotions.

Hunter007: My father had anger problems too. I think he got stressed out with work and would let it all out at home. My mother made his life a living hell if he ever tried to verbally or physically abuse us. That kept him in check. I can't believe he didn't give up, walk out and never come back. I think walking out would have been admitting he was a failure as a father and husband, and he couldn't do that.

The only way we were close to bonding was fixing something around the house or fixing a car as I got older. I guess that's the best he could do. My brothers wanted no part of him...didn't want to be alone with him.

sweatyblackballs: Sounds like you don't even want to talk about your father. It's good to think and talk about sometimes or else you carry that anger around. I've thought about my father a lot and how I'd be different. I'm convinced now that I'd be a good father. 15 years ago I thought differently. Keep trying to work it out and observe fathers that you want to be like. You're on your way, like AlteredEgo said.

Swimming Lad: Your dad as a fighter pilot reminds me of the movie The Great Santini.

Whopper-lee: Sounds like you had it rough. At least you had some other male role models. I had a good friend a few years older as a teenager that influenced me. He was good at communicating and set a good example. I guess you have to be thankful for the good things you had.


I see some young guys having kids and I just hope they know what they're getting into. It's easy for some guys to get in over their heads juggling work and being a good father and husband.

And the people that had great fathers, I am jealous. I hope you can be good parents, as they were.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

ProfessorH: It's nice to hear that things are getting better and you are only 22.

HungDavid: I'd give my father a D+ or C-. He did have a good work ethic, got himself up every morning to go to work, so he set a good example that way. Didn't set a very good example for being in control of his emotions.

Hunter007: My father had anger problems too. I think he got stressed out with work and would let it all out at home. My mother made his life a living hell if he ever tried to verbally or physically abuse us. That kept him in check. I can't believe he didn't give up, walk out and never come back. I think walking out would have been admitting he was a failure as a father and husband, and he couldn't do that.

The only way we were close to bonding was fixing something around the house or fixing a car as I got older. I guess that's the best he could do. My brothers wanted no part of him...didn't want to be alone with him.

sweatyblackballs: Sounds like you don't even want to talk about your father. It's good to think and talk about sometimes or else you carry that anger around. I've thought about my father a lot and how I'd be different. I'm convinced now that I'd be a good father. 15 years ago I thought differently. Keep trying to work it out and observe fathers that you want to be like. You're on your way, like AlteredEgo said.

Swimming Lad: Your dad as a fighter pilot reminds me of the movie The Great Santini.

Whopper-lee: Sounds like you had it rough. At least you had some other male role models. I had a good friend a few years older as a teenager that influenced me. He was good at communicating and set a good example. I guess you have to be thankful for the good things you had.


I see some young guys having kids and I just hope they know what they're getting into. It's easy for some guys to get in over their heads juggling work and being a good father and husband.

And the people that had great fathers, I am jealous. I hope you can be good parents, as they were.

Beautiful words Jovial.

I actually talked to my dad last night & mentioned this thread about fathers. He said that he thought the most important thing for any parent was to show love to your kids as much as you can, and hug and kiss them; the rest would work out. I know that can be hard for some peeps who aren't comfortable with physical affection but I think he's right. I love this thread BTW.
:biggrin1:

 

[sammy7]

My father died when I was 17, he was bi, handsome, the best man in the world.... in the marines, air force and army... he was and still is my hero.

 

[TitanicJake]

My father raised us above a bar he owned. He was a semiproboxer at one time. I have 2 older brothers. He was good in the fact he loved us and fed us and was in our corner. However, I had no mother. She moved back to Italy. So my dad (from Poland) raised us himself. I guess he did the best he could. He was more of a trainer and a hard ass than a dad.
I was 9 and had a nightmare. I tried to craw into my dad's bed in the middle of the night. I got in with him and felt safe. My father woke and kicked me out. I stood there in my underwear and tried to talk to him. He rolled over and all I saw was his back. I walked slowly down the hall and my older brother met me in the hall. He let me sleep in his bed. He was 13. My brothers provided me with the only warmth I ever felt. I had to get up and into my own bed before my dad woke and saw I slept with my brother (too homosexual for him).
Dad was all about the physical. He would grab my arm or feel my chest and give me pointers and assigments in weightlifting. It got me my wrestling scholarship to college but he was hard on me. He was the type to push on my back while I did my last 3 push ups.
Quotes from dad- "Men sleep in underwear or naked."
"The only good reason to fuck a man is if you were in prision"
"When you wrestle do all you can to hurt him"
"When you have sex, go nuts all over her, her pleasure will come from your's"
"If a man kisses or touches you in a "homo way" in the locker room, grab his nuts and squeeze beat him to a pulp"
"Don't worry if you are not smart. You have muscles and a cock the size of mine, that will get you far"
Dad never hugged me. I got my ass slapped as a sign of affection.
Dad came to all of my wrestling matches in high school. He cried once in front of everyone when I came back and pinned a guy who was favored to win.
Dad stuck up for me when I got into trouble.
Dad grabbed an 18 year old sexual preditor at the local pool when he was about to grab me (I was 14 I think).
Dad was too explicit with sex. It was like a sport. He (basically) showed me how to masturbate even though I already knew. He told me I sould do it several times a week.
Dad drank. He had sex with his bedroom door open sometimes and we 3 boys saw him in action.
My dad has squeezed my nuts when he was pissed at me and yelling at me. He could be a bully.
My dad respected me as an athlete more than my oldest brother even though he got a full ride as a swimmer. Swimming is not a contact sport.

Dad took us on one vacation. The 4 of us went to Australia for 2 weeks. We layed on the beach in speedos, surfed, swam and hung out as men. We drank together and got crazy at times. We hiked and explored areas and we all felt we were the only people on the planet. We had rented one big open room place. We talked all night. We even hit a nude beach a few times. That trip will always be one of my best memories before college. I thought he would soften after all of our fun and long talks. He returned to "normal" when we got back.
My loved me and was proud of me due to my strength and physical abilities. I wish he instilled more in terms of critical thinking. He made my brothers and I more competitive than necessary.

I will always love him.
I just don't want to be him (anymore)
Jake

 

[goodwood]

My father was less than ideal. He was selfish, intolerant, impatient, emotionally vacant exept when he was enraged and thought I should be used as a punching bag. He was demanding of me that I enjoy the same things he did - art, antiques, architecture, sports, socializing. All of those things are wonderful and as a result I received a world class education in those things and am an avidly social creature.
I was never able to have an actual conversation with him (to this day) about anything that mattered to me. As a result, our 'relationship' consists only of disucssing art or antique acquisitions or something (to me) meaningless and materialistic.
I have learned from his poor parenting what I will do differently when I have children, how I do and will continue to interact with those I come into contact with.
In the absence of compassion, kindness and understanding those are qualities that are extremely important to me. Just as conversely arrogance, materialism, dismissiveness toward others who are different than I am are qualities that make me cringe.
Essentially, at sixty years old, my father is every bit the spoiled, playboy prince he was when he growing up and will never change.
So that he is a very unhappy person and will do nothing to alter his behavior or life is really quite sad.
All I can say is that I thank God that I am not like him.

 

[B_blackkid]

I'm black; I don't know of such a figure. Stereotypical. True.

 

[goodwood]

The nicest thing my father ever said to me was when he was disinherited and there was no more money. He said "I am sorry I only ever taught you how to spend money, that I never taught you how to save or invest. I always thought there would be no end to the money.".
Honestly, I would have happily traded the privileged upbringing for a father who was kind, loving, supportive, understanding and respectful of me.

 

[bottombuddy]

ive tried to be everything my father was not but he had some good qualities i guess........i have absolutely no contact with him whatsoever and dont wish any......i guess he will know what all his faults were by now and that these faults have made him isolated in his old age from all his kids - who are now all grown up......therefore i guess i have no real feelings if any towards him and have had to find my own way in life.

 

[Mem]

He kept a job, put a roof over our heads and food on the table, but that was about it.
?

(That's more than many people get.)



My father is a good man.

He has provided for his family, the best he could, without knowing the language. 7 years after coming to this country he purchased a home.

He is quick to get angry, but I think he has some issues about how his father treated him. His father beat him, and he just yelled at us.

He is a self taught handyman. He built our front steps, 6 feet high all bricks. Put a sump pump in the basement. Rebuilt out front porch. He knew that I was not good with things like that and did not force me to help him.

He went thru hell to get out family into the U.S. He was away from the family for about 5 years doing it.

He does not have to say that he loves me. I know that he does, and I love him.

P.S. I love my mom too.

 

[sjprep06]

You know that stereotypical Island macho man figure? That's my dad in a nutshell. He was and still is emotionally distant from everyone. As a child, I had to spend every other week with him (my parents divorced when I was a baby). I grew to hate that for a few reasons. I hated being forced to go somewhere and do things that I didn't want to do. I hated having to 'change' the way I thought and acted in order to make things go smoothly. I hated the fact that he never listened to me or anyone else; he always almost forced his opinions and ways to do things his way. He always did this to everyone about every single facet in a person's life and even has tried to do this now (I'm 19 for fuck's sake! Not 9! I know what the fuck I want by now!)

But that wasn't the heart of it. My mother had always wanted the best education for me so she always sent me to private school. My private school was run by the archdiocese and the church so tuition wasn't too expensive. He always bitched and moaned about that. Then for high school, I went to the best Prep school in this tri-state area and, as expected, tuition was much, much higher than elementary school. But, I did have a work grant (which I did love doing) and got money from different places every now and then, so that brought the cost way down and all we had to worry about was books, odd expenses and lunch money, etc. Instead of being a man and saying "I know that I need to step up and pay for this education", he actually fought, bitched and moaned even more! It was bad to the point that my mom actually took him to child support court (where he had an attorney and she did not) and even the judge basically scoffed at him because she knew of my school's reputation as being one of the best and thus awarded my mom child support. Shortly thereafter, he fell out of my life. I didn't hear from him or see him for about two years.

We tried the father-son relationship once after the two years had passed and it didn't work out and we stopped talking again. This year, he asked my uncle (who is by far my favorite person from that side of the family) to get my cell phone number for him. (An aside: I had my phone number since 7th grade (I'm a sophomore in college now). I know that I had even saved my number in his phone for him when I was messing around with it once. What kind of a fucking father doesn't have his child's number? What kind of a father sends someone else to get information for him that he could so easily get himself?) About a month later, he called me for my birthday and basically tried to bribe me into a relationship. I do not have a car as I cannot afford it and he offered to buy me one. I of course declined because a) I cannot maintain a car at this point and b) I refuse to have my feelings and personality bartered for something. Then he went on about he wanted to meet me to which I agreed. About a week or two after, he brought money like that was going to magically make me accept and love him again and I told him that money, especially someone else's money is not important to me and left it at that and basically gave him the cold shoulder. This fucker then tried to guilt me into talking to him by saying "So many people have been asking about you" "Your other family (half of family still lives in Jamaica) asked me about you" "So many people want to see you" To which I replied by saying "So?" (None of those people are important to me. None of them helped me get to where I am right now. None of those people came to see that I was alright or even if I was still the fuck alive, even this sad excuse for a father, and now you want me to be all sad and concerned about everyone else? FUCK THEM! (I wish I would've said this shit so bad when I felt it instead of holding it in)). SO over the course of this past summer, I called myself being nice by hanging out with him since I had nothing better to do. By doing so, I realized that he has not changed and my love for him stopped existing. I don't want to talk to him and damn sure don't want to see his ass. He left me during one of the most important times of my life when he should've stepped up and now he's too late. If he were as smart as he claimed he was, he would realize that he has three children and none of them want anything to do with him....

Summary:
He was a horrible father in my eyes. He was far too controlling and almost forced the life and creativity out of his children. He never showed affection to his children. The only time that he said "I love you" was in card that he sent to me when we weren't speaking. He never praised any of my accomplishments. I am so far from the stereotype of the young black male. I have never been arrested, never done drugs, never drank, never had a baby mama, went to the best schools and maintained damn good grades. I'm now in college and he never said anything about that. He can only focus on things he wants to change and for that reason, I really don't want him in my life ever. Even now, I have to practically fucking beg for $100 for food, expenses at school and car fare for public transportation from him. Even after I do, he only gives $50 and some sob story that has absolutely no relevance to me all after telling me that I could depend on him. (Scoff) I pray every fucking day that I never end up like him and I am so pissed that I even look like this pitiful motherfucker. Ugh!. (I should make this into a blog entry)

 

[davidjh7]

Like most people, I have mixed feelings about my father. By the time I came along, he was well into his hobby of being an alcoholic, so I really don't remember him any other way. My siblings, all older, tell me that my father was actually a lot of fun back when. I guess that is why I was probably the closest to him--I would listen to him when he was talking and being drunk--he talked a lot, if people would listen, and he had a lot of wisdom to share, and I probably got the lions share of it. HE was also a mean drunk, and beat all us kids to a greater or lesser extent--my brother the worst, me the least. He was a homo hater, and bragged to me about beating up queers when younger. We never talked about my sexuality, and I wasn't even accepting of my own by the time he died when I was in college. I feared him. I loved him. I learned honesty from him. I learned a good work ethic from him. I hated many of his behaviors. I know he loved me, the best he could. He was selfish. He could be incredibly generous. He did the best he could, for the person he was. I wish I could have been more the son he wanted, and that he could have been more the father I wanted. I still dream about him sometimes, and wake to miss him. I forgive his faluts and weaknesses, and hope he forgives mine. My one true regret being gay is that I wil never be a father, and never be able to be the father he wasn't, and to pass on the best parts of him as well. The years have given me perspective, and I recognize that all of us have our faults and weaknesses---just try and learn from your own and others, and be a better person learning from it. Take care, everyone, and have a good holiday season, whatever your feelings, whoever you are, or are not with. I wish you all the very best!

 

[bottombuddy]

You know that stereotypical Island macho man figure? That's my dad in a nutshell. He was and still is emotionally distant from everyone. As a child, I had to spend every other week with him (my parents divorced when I was a baby). I grew to hate that for a few reasons. I hated being forced to go somewhere and do things that I didn't want to do. I hated having to 'change' the way I thought and acted in order to make things go smoothly. I hated the fact that he never listened to me or anyone else; he always almost forced his opinions and ways to do things his way. He always did this to everyone about every single facet in a person's life and even has tried to do this now (I'm 19 for fuck's sake! Not 9! I know what the fuck I want by now!)

But that wasn't the heart of it. My mother had always wanted the best education for me so she always sent me to private school. My private school was run by the archdiocese and the church so tuition wasn't too expensive. He always bitched and moaned about that. Then for high school, I went to the best Prep school in this tri-state area and, as expected, tuition was much, much higher than elementary school. But, I did have a work grant (which I did love doing) and got money from different places every now and then, so that brought the cost way down and all we had to worry about was books, odd expenses and lunch money, etc. Instead of being a man and saying "I know that I need to step up and pay for this education", he actually fought, bitched and moaned even more! It was bad to the point that my mom actually took him to child support court (where he had an attorney and she did not) and even the judge basically scoffed at him because she knew of my school's reputation as being one of the best and thus awarded my mom child support. Shortly thereafter, he fell out of my life. I didn't hear from him or see him for about two years.

We tried the father-son relationship once after the two years had passed and it didn't work out and we stopped talking again. This year, he asked my uncle (who is by far my favorite person from that side of the family) to get my cell phone number for him. (An aside: I had my phone number since 7th grade (I'm a sophomore in college now). I know that I had even saved my number in his phone for him when I was messing around with it once. What kind of a fucking father doesn't have his child's number? What kind of a father sends someone else to get information for him that he could so easily get himself?) About a month later, he called me for my birthday and basically tried to bribe me into a relationship. I do not have a car as I cannot afford it and he offered to buy me one. I of course declined because a) I cannot maintain a car at this point and b) I refuse to have my feelings and personality bartered for something. Then he went on about he wanted to meet me to which I agreed. About a week or two after, he brought money like that was going to magically make me accept and love him again and I told him that money, especially someone else's money is not important to me and left it at that and basically gave him the cold shoulder. This fucker then tried to guilt me into talking to him by saying "So many people have been asking about you" "Your other family (half of family still lives in Jamaica) asked me about you" "So many people want to see you" To which I replied by saying "So?" (None of those people are important to me. None of them helped me get to where I am right now. None of those people came to see that I was alright or even if I was still the fuck alive, even this sad excuse for a father, and now you want me to be all sad and concerned about everyone else? FUCK THEM! (I wish I would've said this shit so bad when I felt it instead of holding it in)). SO over the course of this past summer, I called myself being nice by hanging out with him since I had nothing better to do. By doing so, I realized that he has not changed and my love for him stopped existing. I don't want to talk to him and damn sure don't want to see his ass. He left me during one of the most important times of my life when he should've stepped up and now he's too late. If he were as smart as he claimed he was, he would realize that he has three children and none of them want anything to do with him....

Summary:
He was a horrible father in my eyes. He was far too controlling and almost forced the life and creativity out of his children. He never showed affection to his children. The only time that he said "I love you" was in card that he sent to me when we weren't speaking. He never praised any of my accomplishments. I am so far from the stereotype of the young black male. I have never been arrested, never done drugs, never drank, never had a baby mama, went to the best schools and maintained damn good grades. I'm now in college and he never said anything about that. He can only focus on things he wants to change and for that reason, I really don't want him in my life ever. Even now, I have to practically fucking beg for $100 for food, expenses at school and car fare for public transportation from him. Even after I do, he only gives $50 and some sob story that has absolutely no relevance to me all after telling me that I could depend on him. (Scoff) I pray every fucking day that I never end up like him and I am so pissed that I even look like this pitiful motherfucker. Ugh!. (I should make this into a blog entry)

you sound sorted sjprep and are proving you dont need your father......stick in with your studies and get yourself the career you always wanted as thats what will put you in good stead for a really secure future.....and make sure you look after your mom too....good luck m8.

 

[B_Nick4444]

he was a super-intelligent, very attractive, very well-hung, bambi-blasting adulterous ass-hole ... destroyed our family, and shattered my mom's heart and life with his adultery ... he spent a lot of time with my two older straight brothers, none with me ... he died while I was still in law school, and needless to say, only flew back home to attend his funeral at my mom's insistence ...

 

[Jovial]

Thanks for the great stories.

One thing I can't stand is embarrassing or humiliating family members in public. My father treated my oldest brother the worst. One time my brother wasn't doing well in college. My father paid a visit and yelled at him for two hours not realizing his roommate was upstairs. I'm sure the neighbors could hear also. I can picture what it was probably like, my father ranting while my brother sat there quietly waiting for him to be done.

I pray every fucking day that I never end up like him and I am so pissed that I even look like this pitiful motherfucker. Ugh!.

I feel the same way sometimes. Not always, but sometimes when I look in the mirror it reminds me of him and I don't like it. Thanks for your story. Finish your education, go wherever you want to go, and be the man you want to be.

he was a super-intelligent, very attractive, very well-hung, bambi-blasting adulterous ass-hole ... destroyed our family, and shattered my mom's heart and life with his adultery ... he spent a lot of time with my two older straight brothers, none with me ... he died while I was still in law school, and needless to say, only flew back home to attend his funeral at my mom's insistence ...

Very succinct. Thanks.

 

[B_Hung Jon]

My Dad was a fighter pilot and he fought in two wars. However my parents were not, in my opinion, ready for a child. Let alone two! Subsequently my brother and I were considered less important than our parents careers and were given to our Grandma.

Swimming Lad, I was thinking that even though your parents weren't there for you and your brother, you guys did have your Grandma to care for you. What was that like?